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Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. |
A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?" |
A man is having problems with his Johnson which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the las
t 30 years. Your dick is burned out; you only have 30 erections left in your penis."
The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells he
r what the doc told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!"
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it." |
10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women
prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of
the women have never experienced sex in the office.
Conclusion:
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.
Moral:
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it! |
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck. |
What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit's Finger. |
A mother has 3 girls, they all got married, but she wants to know how the sex is, so she says that after the night on the honeymoon, they write a postcard saying how it went.
The 1st girl writes: M&M's.
Puzzled, the women buys a pack of m&m's and reads the slogan "It melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
The 2nd girl writes: Cambles soup.
Again the mom buys some cambles soup and reads
, "Mmm ... mmm ... good."
3 weeks pass and the 3rd girl finally writes: Ford
The mom goe's to her ford jeep and reads "The best never stop." |
There was a husband and a wife who had a very good sex life ... at least the wife thought so. The only problem with it was that the husband always had to have the lights off wh
en they made love. So one day the wife decides to suprise him and turns the lights on in the middle of it.
She realizes her husband is using a cucumber!
She asks him if this is what he has been using their entire marriage. He replies "Ye
s." She becomes angry and starts screaming at him, calling him a "stupid cheating bastard."
He looks at her and says, "I'm the stupid cheating bastard? Explain our 4 kids!" |
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and co
ntinued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugs
tore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Came
l. |
Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?
Two 5 year old boys. |
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