| The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate. |
| The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners. |
A social worker asks a collegue: "What time is it?"
The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."
The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is t
hat we talked about it." |
A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and wan
t a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both
so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work. |
| Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons! |
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner n
uts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," said his partner, "you
don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!" |
Why doesn't jesus play hockey?
Beacuse he's scared to get nailed to the boards. |
What to not say to the nice policeman:
I pay your salary! |
| Unix *is* user friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly. |
In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price. |
|
|
