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A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".
The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine." |
The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given th ree reasons for this decision:
1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some thi ngs that even rats won't do. |
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest Stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. |
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.
Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hun dred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy." |
Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other.
"Oka y," replied the bartender, "That'll be one blood and one blood lite." |
What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer. |
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop. |
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary sa ys.
The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies. |
You enter the laboratory and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics. |
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them t o the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I t old you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to the beach!" |
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