| Never argue with an idiot. They pull you down to their level, then beat you with experience. |
| Your Mama is so ugly, on halloween, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone! |
| If men got pregnant ... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows. |
Speaking of airports in Germany, the one servicing the Hamburg area is known to be staffed by a rather snooty ground control crew. They expect you to know exactly where to go a
nd what to do, which may lead to frustration on the part of aircraft captains new to the route. This is the account of one such flight in particular, concerning a senior captain ...
"Tower, British Airways one-seven, completed rollout, awaiting
further instructions."
"British Airways one-seven, this is Hamburg ground, clear to taxi to Gate Seven."
"Roger, Hamburg ground, request directions to Gate Seven."
"British Airways one-seven, have you never been to Hamburg before
?"
"Yes, a number of times, Hamburg ground, in 1944, but we did not stop!" |
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. T
hey would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel ... they sa
id, because it was bigger.
One day after Little Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the
nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Slowly, Little Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and he said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!" |
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" |
Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone kno
w what this is?"
Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!" |
Little Susie was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" she asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep
crossing things out?" |
Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."
Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, s
o let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand s
on?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' r
oom and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went
back to sl
How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Arabs just sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews. |
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