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Two ants were in a sand trap watching a duffer flailing away.
"Quick," said the one ant to the other. "Get on the ball before he kills us." |
Golf rules for beginners:
1) Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2) Form a loose grip.
3) Keep your head down.
4) Avoid a quick back swing.5) Stay out of the water.
6) Try not to hit anyone.
7) If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8) Don't stand directly in front of others.
9) Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.
10) Don't take extra
strokes.
Now, that's very good. Flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off. |
Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar.
A pretty woman walks by and Boggs says, "I'm going to ask her out."
Garvey replied, "You can't do that, she
's carrying my baby."
To which Rose added, "You wanna bet?" |
Why does Michael Jackson like baseball games?
Because he gets to see some balls. |
| If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together! |
One attractive young businesswoman to another, over lunch:
My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid mult
iplying. |
A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question: Suppose you walked by a burning house and saw a hydrant and a hose not connected to the hydrant. What would y
ou do?
P: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.
M: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.
Then they were asked this question: Suppose you walked by a
house and saw a hose connected to a hydrant. What would you do?
P: I would keep walking, as there is no problem to solve.
M: I would disconnect the hose from the hydrant and set the house on fire, reducing the problem to a previously solved
form. |
Why is the number 10 afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine. |
How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
1) Changing light bulbs is futile. Resistance is voltage divided by current.
2) None. They just self-destruct the
malfunctioning equipment.
3) All of them. |
How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
1) Two. One to change the light bulb and one to kill the other and take all the credit.
2) None. There is no h
onour in changing a light bulb, besides, a true warrior isn't afraid of the dark. |
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