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How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. |
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. |
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..." |
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow. |
My childbirth instructor says it's not pain that I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
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How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
If it's the flu, you'll get better. |
I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after it finishes college. |
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy resp
onded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc." |
What do you call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Lazy. |
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. |
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