|
|
Two friends, who had lost contact for many years, were catching up with each other. One asked, "So, you've got your own company, huh? How lucky!" The other replied, "Just a sma
ll one, nothing to be proud of."
Disbelieving, the first queried, "Small? How many people work in your company?"
The other sadly answered, "About half of them." |
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around.
Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know wha
t he was doing.
The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around." |
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
There are some things even a blonde won't do. |
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to com
e waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is." he replied, "Breakfast." |
A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy
politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?" |
| Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the
first stone." Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!" |
What's the difference between a dog howling on the back porch, and a woman howling on the front porch?
The dog shuts up when you let it in. |
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.
Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hel
l do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?" |
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my
bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses hi
s fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash ... and then his legs fall off! |
| A lady who was known as Churchill's main rival in parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking. She
stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?" Churchill sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice." |
|
|
|
