Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels. |
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1) The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
2) The light bulb cannot be changed — it has t
o be smashed. |
How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
1) 1001. One to install the new bulb, plus one thousand lawyers to assert intellectual property right
s over every light bulb ever invented.
2) Microsoft doesn't change light bulbs. It declares Darkness (TM) the new standard. |
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD". Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the
bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got your truck stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." |
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.
While several of the robbers take the money from the
tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without lookin
g down, the second lawyer whispers, "What is this?"
The first lawyer replies, "It's the $100 I owe you." |
Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?
Because he comes once a year, down the chimney. |
What is the difference between baseball and law?
In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out. |
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest
players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!" |
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. |
A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit. As he walked the
length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats. A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog. The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.
"E
xcuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog? Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"
The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "oh! You Americans. You are so ru
de.
Fluffy is in that seat, and i see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."
The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out. The woman gap
ed and spl
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