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What to not say to the nice policeman:
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector was unplugged. |
What to not say to the nice policeman:
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job! |
| Drag me, drop me - treat me like an object. |
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly:
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department. |
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does
the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can d
o plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the shop owner
replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!" |
| Your mama is so fat, when she plays football she plays offense and defense. |
| Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares? |
What to not say to the nice policeman:
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas p
edal, forcing me to speed out of control. |
By three measures a manager is known:
1) The thickness of the carpet in his office.
2) The area of his desk.
3) The volume of his car's engine. |
| Your mama is so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time. |
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