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How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough. |
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't move the lawn. |
How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper! |
Teacher: Susie, make a sentence starting with the letter 'I'.
Susie: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, no, no, don't say 'I is', you say 'I am'".
Susie: "OK, I a
m the ninth letter of the alphabet." |
What's the difference between Watergate and Zippergate?
At least this time, there's no doubt about the identity of "Deep Throat." |
How many men does it take to make pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove. |
An attractive lady from Seattle was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and offered her a ride to the nearest town.<
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She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was pretty uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a "Whoop" so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her o
ff at the local service station, yelled one final "Yahoo" and rode off.
"Hey, what did you do to get him so fired up?" asked the service station attendant.
"Nothing," shrugged the woman, I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms
around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.
"Lady," the attendant said, "that guy was riding bareback ..." |
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noti
ces a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I mak
e $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "Does anyone want to
tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's." |
A golfer called one of the caddies and asked, "I need a caddy who can count and keep the score. What's 3 and 4 and 5 come to?"
"10" said the caddy.
"Great, you'
ll do perfectly!" |
A house, inhabited by a Greek on ground level, an Italian on first floor and a German on second, got on fire. Who survived?
The German. He was out practising marching.
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