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| A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party. "But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour throug
h and through… Why change now?" The man leaned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us." |
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any. |
One night, after a long evening of drinking, Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road.
After looking at her twice
he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her.
Some people passing by spotted this and called the police.
As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be toug
her than that, Batman." |
| If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to the cinema? |
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man." |
Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!
"
Cessna: "Uh ... tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is." |
What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town. |
So there were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said,"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is
spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks." |
What's the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk. |
A hydrogen atom lost its electron and went to the police station to file a missing electron report. He was questioned by the police: "Haven't you just misplaced it somewhere? A
re you sure that your electron is really lost?"
"I'm positive." replied the atom. |
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