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Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking te
n paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines." |
Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel. |
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Off
icer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!" |
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one. |
How long is the average woman in labor?
Whatever she says divided by two. |
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes
, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will
give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".
And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off thei
r coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See the
re in the
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were inst
alling black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 p
ercent of fatal crashes were,
"Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:
"Hold my beer and watch this!" |
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging. |
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give th
eir reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with
a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Jo
hnnie.
"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot hi
mself." Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny say
s, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!" |
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